It’s so stupid I’m not even gone yet. But look at that water… look at the light dancing on that fucking water.
It’s beautiful. It hurts my eyes and it’s just too beautiful not to look. I’m going to miss it so much.
I’m already missing it and I’m staring straight at it.
I don’t have to go.
It’s almost better here now anyway… now that you need a warm sweater in the morning, and you can't be sure you'll have the chance to take it off all day. But you might, you know? You might even get so hot that you get right into the water hoping for a second you can just dance across those waves yourself when that first cold shock hits your nervous system and slices up your body like a bolt of lightning.
Why do I have to go? I don’t want to go.
You're not even leaving yet. you are still here. Enjoy this you asshole! Stop being so wasteful! Drink it in. Breathe in that scent; breathe it in as deep as you can.
How am I ever going to breathe again back there? How do I survive in that stench? Smog and dust and the odour of a million bodies… a MILLION bodies! All sweating and farting and covered in cologne and drugstore body wash. It’s sick.
DON’T think about it, you aren't there yet. You are ruining this and you won't have it again for months.
I cannot believe I have to turn that key and not see this place again for month... MONTHS!
You can be sad later. Just sit here in this chair, on this dock, jutting into this lake and BE here. Listen. That water, it’s the best sound in the world. Let it drown out the city and your thoughts. Let it lull you to sleep like a damn baby.
I could capture this, record it so it's on hand when I can’t sleep, drown out all the traffic, all the static all that background noise. It won't sound as good though, too hollow, or fake like the CD at the massage place. Who decided a pan flute and a loon was such a breathtaking combination?
STOP THINKING! Just Stop, you are messing it all up! Unclench your hands! You have one more day to enjoy this
And it's so fleeting, it’s flying away like those geese up there. Look at them, in perfect formation. Majestic. You're sitting here being depressed in the middle of a damn Hinterland’s Who’s Who commercial, in the middle of Tom Thomson canvas.
Maybe you could come back up for Thanksgiving. Be gorgeous up here, all the leaves on fire, that sweet smell of decay and roasted bird. Could be amazing.... Except for the set up, and the clean up and that shitty traffic. F'ing traffic!!!
And tomorrow I’ll be sitting with all those other ex-pats of the forest making a 7-hour odyssey out of a two-hour trip, lining up for the privilege of taking a piss and eating a donut.
It will be fine. You've got a full-on country breakfast lined up for tomorrow, bonfire and a few beers tonight. Gonna end it off with a bang, then wake up with a coffee in your college mug on the deck for a little nostalgia, it’ll be scenic as hell.
Remember to turn off the water for sure… and the base heaters, not be the dick that burns the whole place down.... I could do it all now and be ready, just eat on the road, I'll be up at 5 anyway just to try and escape. Better not drink tonight then, tomorrow's going to be bad enough as it is.
So today’s what you've got, savour it. Look at this place, God’s country, and you've still got plenty of time.
… Fuck it. I’m shutting 'er down. If I leave in an hour or so I can be home by dinner.